The Tween Years ...

The conversation went something like this.

AJ: I want to look like a teenager now but stay the same age.

Me: You don't want to look like a teenager before you are one.

AJ: Why?

Me: That would be dangerous.

AJ: Why would it be dangerous?

Me: Because people would think you were older than you were and expect more from you.

AJ: How would that be dangerous?

Me: Because they would make you do things that you didn't understand.

AJ: But how would that be dangerous?

Me: They might make you do things that could get you into trouble.

AJ: Like what?

Me: Like going out late at night with no adults around and you might get lost.

AJ: Oh. I don't want to look like a teenager yet.

Me: Didn't think so.

Phew! Crisis over!

Now that I've got that off my chest ...

Ha!

Tonight I'm going out! With the girls.

Dinner, drinks, karaoke and most likely dancing.

I can't wait.

Turning the Tables...

On critics. Of any kind.

I have just been reading about a particular blog that critiques other blogs and it got me thinking. As with all things done by humans there comes a judgment. And I'm not sure it sits well with me.

I started my first blog when I was a first time mum and a first time business owner, doing neither particularly well. In fact, I think the whole reason for buying the business when AJ was one was to escape the feeling of being a crap mother and to make myself believe that I was just destined to be better at something else.

I also had been invited to an Internet Summit and this was where I first learned about the blogging world and how to, supposedly, use it to increase business. Apparently, I didn't grasp the fundamentals because the blog turned out to be nothing more than a journal of me, sitting in a shop day in and day out, lonely as hell, trying to figure out who I had become since having this child of mine, drinking copious amounts of diet coke and wondering if we were in any way capable of adding any more children to our family and caring for them responsibly. Were we parent material? I had heard the phrase so many times that women should need more than a set of ovaries as credentials for being a good mother. As it turns out, even a set of ovaries doesn't always guarantee a place in motherhood but, when it does, was I the type of mother those comments were aimed at? There were times when I believed it to be true.

I then decided I should create a blog as an online diary. I was at my computer more often than not so it was a much better way for me to write about my life and I had never been successful at keeping "real" diaries so thought this might encourage me to keep a more regular journal.

This "diary" has been around since AJ was two. It has seen me through good times, great times and very bad times. It has recorded many a memory that would have been long forgotten had I not put it here. It was never my attempt at getting famous or recognised or having over 100 comments for each and every post whether they resonated with somebody or not.

Yes a comment is lovely to know that something I have written here has meant something to somebody or conveyed my despair to somebody who felt the need to let me know they were listening. At times, a comment from somebody here has helped me pick myself up and dust myself off or follow an instinct with confidence or even given me a laugh when I needed it which is more than I expected from this little blog at its initial conception.

Do I speak about my children a lot? Sure. Why not. They make up and take up a big part of my life. They feature in a lot of my discussions IRL too. There are posts on here about my children or my parenting ability that are far deeper than some random post about our Prime Minister or the President of the US. To be honest, I have thoughts and feelings about a lot of controversial things and I believe that, quite often, my opinions would not be with the majority but, to be frank, I don't care about them as much as I care about my children either. And to post about them would be more of an attempt at getting a reaction or starting something.

I've never been one for it. I don't start things. I think it's silly. I have my opinion which I may or may not express depending on the circumstances but I will not preach an opinion or start an online fight about it. Because it's our right to have differing opinions and more often than not your opinions are not going to affect me. Would I stand up and fight for a cause? I like to think so but I would have to be extremely passionate about it to push my opinion to that degree. I am probably - whether that be a good or bad thing - more passionate about my family than anything else? Guess that makes me another "mommy blogger".

Had I wanted to write a blog about my professional achievements and the ways of the world I highly doubt I would have chosen the name I did for this blog - actually, just remembering back now this blog was originally started to promote my ebook of the same name and we can see, yet again, how marvelously well that went so it quickly became a blog about my family instead and the ebook, after three exciting sales, was lost to the archives! Some trivia for those still reading. ; p

And then there's the basic assumption that critics know exactly what they're talking about and can speak on everybody's behalf. I don't know about you, but I can guarantee there are few critics out there that have ever suggested a movie I actually liked. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I will not go and see a movie that has been raved about by critics and friends alike as I can guarantee that most of them will fall well under par.

Regardless of whether the critic is professional or amateur I fail to see how their opinion is any different or held in any higher esteem than mine. Granted there are times when something is obviously below par or exceptional and you'd be hard pressed to find anybody who disagrees - although I bet if you looked hard enough you would still find somebody but you get the point - but as a general rule I do not understand how one makes a profession out of critiquing.

So, there, I've said it. Yes. It is a buzz to know I have followers. Yes. It is a buzz to receive a comment or a blogger award or a mention elsewhere. No. It's not always about wanting to create a cult following. Yes. It is about having somewhere to write about my life and my feelings and all that goes along with it. And yes. Right now most of my posts will be about my journey as a mum to small children which, as they get older, will turn into posts about being a mother to teenager girls - gulp. I think my heart just stopped at the thought of that - and at the same time will turn into posts about me regaining some of "me" back as my children become more independent. And yes. I follow blogs I like. Not ones that some critic has cut down or hyped up or thought nothing about. And not always the same ones that my friends follow because - the shock - we all have different tastes! Fancy that!

And, just while we're on the topic, why do critics have to be so mean and sarcastic about it? They really know how to ruin someone's day. Seriously. Bitter much?

Spirits ...

Not the alcoholic kind.*

Miss AJ has, from a very young age, told us that people come to visit her. She used to tell us that CJ's dad - her grandfather that she never met - used to come down and visit her all the time. I should add that even as a tiny baby she would sit on my lap and smile and laugh at the piano where CJ's dad spent so many a night plugging away on the out of tune old thing. Even when she was crying hysterically, taking her to his photo or to the piano would more often than not silence her.

She also met a woman who played number games with her at a display home I had visited once. The salesman said it was fine for her to play in the house as nobody was there. Imagine our surprise when she came back and told us that there was a woman in the bedroom. The salesman was more than a little concerned but, on inspection, we found nobody there. AJ still insisted on going to say goodbye to her when we left. From memory she was about three years old.

Then she reached the age of about four or five and if she happened to mention that she had seen someone and we brought it up in front of a friend (for eg. someone who had known that person) she would get all embarrassed and say she had just made the whole thing up.

She got to a point where we felt she was then just trying to tell us what she thought we wanted to hear so we stopped asking and she stopped telling. Except for her good friend Polish who has been a constant companion for her since about the age of 2.5. She's not around all the time and very rarely have we been asked to set a place for her at the table as with most imaginary friends but she comes and goes and we let it be.

Until last night. Schmoo had asked me if ghosts were real. My response was that I wasn't sure but that some people did believe in spirits.

I should preface this and say that I feel my beliefs of spirits and what it means to me I have mostly kept to myself. Mainly because I don't know how to explain it to an adult let alone a child. I have also allowed AJ to actively participate in religion at school - this new school has a Bahai class which she partakes in - because I feel it is necessary for her to learn and form her own opinions and I also feel that religion is, for the most part at her age, a little more black and white than that of the afterlife and spirits and higher selves etc.

Sooo, she decides to join in our conversation. Or more to the point, correct me on my response. She went on to explain to us that ghosts and spirits are different in that ghosts quite often come to scare you but spirits are here to guide you.

She then told me that she has her own spirit guides, both male and female, that she has never seen then but knows they are always there to help her make the right choice. When questioned on how she had learnt this - who she had heard it from, where she had seen or read about it - she replied that she had never been taught this by anybody and that she just learnt it from the time she was born.

She also said her spirit guides were probably just like her once with their very own spirit guides which is why they are so smart now and know how to be her spirit guides and that she has never been afraid of them but always known they were around.

As is usually the case with kids, it got to the point where I believe she started trying to make it sound rational and made up things that she thought we were wanting to hear. At this point I stopped asking. I knew I had crossed the line.

So, this is where we stand. Not knowing if she's taking us for a ride with a very creative imagination or if, in fact, this is relating back to those younger years and is a slightly more mature version of what she had experienced as a toddler.

I will not question her any further because there is no point. There is no proving or disproving her comments. We end up going around in circles and, I think, she starts believing that she shouldn't be experiencing these things so she stops talking about them.

Secretly though, I think it's awesome. Or even not so secretly as I have told her I think it is a wonderful gift to be blessed with. I have not told her that I believe it comes with a huge amount of responsibility though and, at times, can be quite burdensome because I feel the gift is far greater than the burden in most instances.

So, what do you think? Have you experienced this first hand with one of your children or even yourself as a child? And how did you deal with it/was it dealt with by your parents?

Luckily I find it a most intriguing subject and not too "scary" because the last thing I want to do is write it off as taboo. But I have no idea how to encourage it so the best thing for me to do at this stage is leave her be.

Advice?

And go....

*After this conversation I'm definitely in need of one or two though.

The Best Thing ...

About Baking is...

The pretty coloured patty cake cases.

And licking the bowl.

Scattered...

And shattered.

I don't know why. Can't put my finger on it but I am in a constant state of unrest at the moment. I am forgetful, more so than usual to the point that I can put something on my calendar and still forget it.

I'm reaching out for something but I don't know what that something is. I'm trying to be still, trying to tune in to figure it all out but I can't hear anything. Or maybe I don't want to? Or maybe I'm not trying hard enough or maybe. Just maybe I'm not giving myself enough time.

Just so many scattered thoughts swirling around but not settling or resolving.

And it's making me tired.

And it's far too early for me to be up but AJ came into our bed and I cannot get back to sleep. So I'm here, eyes bleary and half hanging out of my head but with no intention of closing again.

*sigh*

You Capture - Reaching ...

Reaching for higher ground (and some love)...

Reaching for the big notes...

Reaching for great heights...

Check out more You Capture moments over at I Should Be Folding Laundry...

The Revamp...

I can't remember if I did this already or not so I'm doing it (maybe) again...

This is the before shot of my office...

And this is the after shot...

I'm much happier with the layout. Now if I could just keep it tidy and keep the kids out along with their bajillion or so toys - that inevitably end up here or in the car - I'd be a very happy WAHM.

You Capture - Quiet...

I know. I'm a little behind at the moment with my You Capture photos but couldn't pass this one up.

When I drop all my girls off at kindy and school for that one day a week and I get back into my car, whether it be to go shopping or come home, that's when I feel it. That first moment of quiet mixed with a pinch of feeling like something's missing.

Beth over at I Should be Folding Laundry has some other great links to some You Capture Quiet photos too so pop on over and take a look!!!

*sigh* Kinda wish today was that day. Only another five to go before I'm there again.

Found ...

I just realised I haven't updated on our lost bat issue.

We found him the next morning getting all snug and cosy on our curtain. He was teensy. We left him there all day because we were worried to put him outside in daylight where he might get all confused in his lil sleepy state.

So when CJ got home we hung a towel up over the back verandah and placed him in between the fold so he could stay nice and warm - it has rained here for like, I don't know, forever - and fly off when he felt ready.

While CJ was trying to relocate him he did try to give his best big bat bite. He gave CJ a dressing down with his teensy cute little squawk and then gave him a bite that couldn't even break the skin but it did make CJ want to let go of him. Take that big man!

He stayed that night and was still all cosy the next day but has since departed his makeshift home.

If anyone has seen the kids' movie Madagascar though where they finally make it to the jungle and save a little duck only to put it in the water and see it eaten by an (I guess) alligator - I'm assuming it's not a crocodile. Never could tell them apart and quite frankly don't want to look at them that closely - will understand why, every time we save something here and set it free, I can't help but wonder if it actually survived.

Obviously that movie scarred me more than I realised. No wonder I have so many issewes!

You Capture - Hopeful ...

I'm going to cheat a little bit here because I had grand plans of getting a new photo of my AJ sitting in a tree in the forest at her new school but time and a sick, sleeping baby prevented that because Daddy ended up going to collect her from school instead.

This year has seen some big changes for AJ and us and I think we're handling them well. I still have no idea if this decision has been the right one and I'm often questioning myself over and over and sending myself in circles all over again. I really thought once the decision was made it would be like a weight was lifted and - *sigh* - I'm still waiting.

So here is the photo of AJ in her new school uniform on her first day. A whole new journey, new friends, new learnings and I am still hopeful that this was the right thing to do.

I'm sure there are plenty more great You Capture moments over here at I Should Be Folding Laundry.

Enjoy!!!