It's here...

Today you are ONE!

After much crying over photo slideshows the past two days, it is time to embrace the day and celebrate your first year.

I have written a letter to you to tell you all about your entrance into this world and how wonderful you have made our first year together. You are such a gorgeous little girl with an amazing personality.

We went to see your Great Grandma yesterday for her birthday. Yes, yes, the one we tried to knock off last year while I was still pregnant with you. You went and chatted to all the other ladies in there who loved your visit. You made them smile.

The fact that you look so much like your Dad (there, there, it's okay. He's got good features) confused Great Grandma to no end and after the first 30 minutes we stopped reminding her that you were, in fact, a girl.

I dress you in pink ALOT now but, for the most part, it does very little to remind people you are a girl. But that's okay. You're my girl. You and your sister both have very unisex features at this age. Once you get some long hair like your sister though....Whoa....look out! No mistaking your gender then.

You look, surprisingly, similar to your sister at this age. Most of the photos could be either one of you, except you're more on the lighter side than old Heffalump was at this stage.

We're having a BBQ for you on Sunday and so many people are coming to celebrate YOU. Because you are so special to so many people.

So, before I start blubbering....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCHMOO!!!

You have given me a new insight to the first year of motherhood so thank you! Thank you for being such an easy baby. Thank you for making us laugh. Thank you for filling our hearts fuller than we thought they could be.

Thank you for being my peace.

Quotable quotes...

So AJ is quite good at making us laugh and I really should have started this earlier so in an attempt to remember (can you tell I'm emotional about my babies growing up?) I'm going to start writing them here.

I've actually written a few along the way in here but I'm gonna just start with some words that have been/still are funny.

Vampire = Magpyer
Butterfly = Blutterfly (no matter how many times corrected she is adamant she's saying it right god damn it so stop repeating it!)
Yellow = Lellow

The big quotable quote this week though is when she was trying to find one of her comfort toys for bed..... *drum roll*

"Where the hell is Valentine?"

We were laughing before we even realised we should be scolding. Whooops!

What? Now???

Soooo not ready for my baby to turn 1 next week.

I can't believe how quicky her first year has passed us by. This time last year, well, this time, yesterday, last year I was writing this, and now here we are, planning her first birthday party.

Sooo not ready. And now that we're on the "no TTC#3" program I am even more reluctant to let my baby go. Not that we have totally decided and my wonderful, supportive husband has said that if I really, really want to try for #3, he's more than happy to give it a go. Of course he is, it's the only time he gets that much sex. Sad but true! But still, I just don't know if there will be a #3 and it's kinda sad.

And, yet, she is just getting cuter and cuter by the day so why wouldn't I want to watch her grow up. She is amazing. She's running around, interacting with us all, nodding her head when she wants food, shaking it "no" when she doesn't; smacking her sister if she doesn't get her own way (which, in itself, although very aggressive, is quite funny); babbling like she's having a full blown conversation with us and just interspersing the babble with the occasional "dog" or "muuuum" (which she only does because it allows her to form bubbles with her spit, sad but true again!); and, well, I guess, just becoming her own person.

Everyday I'm wondering what the girls will get up to next and it's amazing watching their relationship develop day after day and the bond. The BOND! They are so tight. They totally have each others backs!

But did I mention that I'm soooo not ready?

The cat came back...

But it wasn't the very next day. More like about 6 weeks later!

Go figure. One of our cats dashed out of the laundry door as I was coming inside one afternoon about 6 weeks ago. We searched high and low, thinking it may have been hit by a car or locked in a cupboard.

After a week we had given up hope and AJ thought she must have gone on holidays. Well, it would appear that she did, in fact, do just that. Don't think the food was great where she was because she's a bit on the thin side, but, all in all, she's very healthy.

Her sister (the cat's not Audrey's) is not overly pleased with her return. Poor old Espy was greeted with lots of hisses and kitty growls. But she also received alot of cuggles and pats from AJ which, thus far, seems to have made up for the icy reception received from Roxy.

Schmoo is delighted that there are 2 kitties to play with now. She couldn't contain her excitement this morning. Lots of squeals and giggles. So cute.

So there ya go. The cat came back...

It's your birthday....

Just looked at the date and realised it's your birthday today.

Maybe it's the rain or maybe it's the fact you've been gone for so long and didn't ever meet my beautiful family but I really miss you right now.

Mr M, my 2nd Dad. Whenever I'm having trouble finding the "right" thing to do as a Mum I wish you were here to offer advice. Your advice was always spot on.

I can't believe I was only 25 when you left us. T and I were young. Too young to lose someone as special as you. Too young to suffer that kind of grief. And she still suffers you know? She misses you so much.

And, just now, I've googled you and they can't even get the date of your death correct. How sad that you gave them a legacy and made them a fortune with The Ettamogah Pub and they can't even honour you. What a shame that things hadn't worked out better with that for T.

But she is happier without the stresses of those people and I'm sure there are regrets but her happiness far outweighs what could have been.

Happy Birthday Mr Maynard. Miss you.

Rain, Rain, Go Away....

Come again in about 30 minutes just to give me enough time to take AJ to preschool so I can come home and sleep.

Back to the Future...

Hello, my name is Schmoo. I am 20 years old and I am a cheese addict.

Yes, yes, I'm afraid I can't break the habit. I. LOVE. CHEESE. And not just any cheese. Well, okay, I'll eat any of it but my preferred poison is processed.

It all started when I was about 8 months old. I just tried it the once and then again, and again, and again. Until I couldn't think of eating much else. I would chase my sister and grab onto her shirt just to *sob* just to get a bit of her cheesestick.

The shame... *head in hands*

Why didn't my mother stop me?

To a good friend....

And, yes, I would consider you a good friend. Actually a great friend.

You were a beautiful soul. You were taken too soon. I'm still reeling from the news that we will never see you again.

CJ came home yesterday and told me the news. I cried. I'm still crying. I'm not sure when I will stop crying. I think of your Mum and I cry even more. I think of your Dad and how strong he has to be because your Mum just can't control her grief. And why should she? You were her only child. You did them proud.

You were a good egg. You were only 20! They didn't even get to throw you a 21st bash. How devastating that they will never celebrate that with you. Your life has been cut short too soon.

How do I explain to my 4 year old about you? When you would visit she would never leave your side. But, as is the way with 4 year olds, they can't hold memories and we have no photos to remind her. We never imagined for a minute our time with you was running out. She is trying to understand and remember but I don't think she does. And I want her to. I want her to remember you because you loved her.

You bought her a present when Schmoo was born so she didn't feel left out. You were always on the lookout for The King for her. And you bought Schmoo the softest pink teddy bear. Her first teddy bear. And I never expected that from you, a 20 year old boy. To be so thoughtful.

CJ thought the world of you. I know how much he valued your friendship because it was you he was going to call when I needed to go to the hospital and he couldn't get home to take me. Yes, you almost had to take a crazy labouring pregnant woman to the hospital. I was so scared that I would mess up your car!

And then you were one of our first visitors at home. I was just thinking I never even offered you a nurse of Schmoo, but I didn't think you would be interested. Thinking back now, you probably would have loved to. You were amazed at how tiny she was. I think you even took a photo to show your Mum and Dad.

I was looking forward to seeing you at Wintersun this weekend. The week won't be the same now. We will miss your friendship but we are so honoured to be able to call you a friend.

Goodbye Adam. Our lives will never be the same...

Trap!

So, my poor little miss has been sick the past week. Nothing like a projectile vomit to get my attention.

And then came the poo! Every. Single. Nappy. So much poo. Too much poo for me to handle. So we reverted back to the disposable! CJ did it first. Just for night time and then it filtered into our daytime routine and lo and behold before I knew it we were using them for every change and all my cloth nappies were sitting perfectly folded under the change table on the sidelines.

And then, it dawned on me that it would be easier to wash the cloth and I wouldn't be wasting so much damn money for one, and for two I would be far kinder to the environment.

So it's back to cloth we go. But, oh, how easy it was to get sucked into the convenience of the disposable. Scarily convenient even with the ease of modern cloth.