So, I saw a psychic channeller yesterday and, while I'm still trying to make sense of all that was said, I thought I should start to blog the feelings that have come about due to that session.
For the most part, there was very little said that I didn't already know. Scary in a way but also a little liberating to know that I really am in tune with the universe in a somewhat enlightened manner and not just aimlessly wandering the earth trying to figure out my "purpose".
Funny that I should have only written in here recently about the changes I need to make. I guess the old "ask and you shall receive" rings true because it is me that needs to change and "they" did give me some suggestions on how to make that change come about.
But, today, I find myself angry at "them". They have said that my mother "did the best she could" and so I can't hold her responsible for not being the mother that I, in fact, wanted/needed. Yesterday this did sound fairly reasonable even though I did object at that time by saying that I honestly don't believe that she did do the best she could. I can't believe that. And, if that was all that she had, what was she thinking bringing 3 kids into this world. So, ultimately, I guess her best wasn't good enough for me.
Now stay with me. It gets heavier than this. So "they" have told me that I need to forgive my mother and accept that she will never acknowledge me in the way I hope for or, for that matter, apologise for any wrong doings against me or my siblings, or anyone that has unknowingly crossed her path. For she knows not what she does. Pffft.
Now, I get the whole karmic circle thing and I can see in her world that it is nothing short of miserable so why do I feel so angry that she will not directly see a consequence to her actions? As humans we are brought up believing that if you are bad, bad things will happen, so why will she not be held directly accountable for the things she has done? Why will noone confront her with the looooong list of injustices she has performed?
Because, although "they" are telling me that she doesn't "get it" doesn't that also mean that she won't "get" the karmic punishment she is dealt? Doesn't that mean that she would need it laid out in front of her so that she does "get it"? Because to me it feels like she is getting away with it. Ya know?
I know, courtesy of a timely reminder from "them", that I chose this life and these lessons but, fuck, what was I thinking? I could've been a little easier on myself couldn't I? Possibly picked someone a little more caring. But noooooo. In true Tato fashion I have gone the whole hog and picked the person that will make sure that I don't turn around at the end of this and go "so was that it or did I miss something?"
Stay tuned because you can be sure upon listening to that tape a few more times there'll be a hell of lot more that needs to be said. We haven't even got to the conditional love part yet!